It’s not just a matter of taking it on the chin or being graceful.

We are our own worst critics, and that’s shown the most whenever we experience failure and become losers. Yes, for some of us, there is that introspection element about what we could do better, but there is still that part where we could slip into a pity party and blame some of the dumb mistakes that we made along the way.

From this angle, I can see the criticism for being better as a means of motivating and inspiring ourselves to be better. But it’s so very often that these kinds of actions tend to have the reverse effect on us. We like to think those things inspire us, but whenever a competitive task emerges, we might choke without even realizing it.

In the end, we need to be able to recover and return to a baseline of motivation and pride in the work and efforts that we put forward. Whether the mistake is big or small, we need to be able to return to that baseline.

This is where this strategy shines, as giving yourself a free pass allows you to take a step back from everything. Absolutely, you made a mistake and lost something. But giving yourself a bit of space is better at that moment. To not only lean into the mistake, but once it’s all said and done and you’ve laughed at yourself for falling for it, to begin the emotional healing process.

Save the critical thinking for later and ask yourself what you would do and say to someone who made that same mistake.

Self-compassion isn’t designed to coddle you forever or to deny the emotions or the events that happened. It’s a way to respond to the sting of a setback or failure and eventually try again. The general advice self-help gurus offer tends to be on the more critical side. And while that is helpful, it’s not exactly what we need when we make mistakes.

To go from making a mistake to think “here’s where you screwed up and could be better” isn’t a good transition. Especially when the alternative is to sit with those emotions, properly process them, and give yourself a bit of love and trust in yourself you’ll find better approaches for next time. ■

By Eric S Burdon

Mar 15 2023 | 400 words