Working at the lunch lines was great.

在午餐打饭的地方工作确实是一件很有意思的事情。

But it didn't pay squat.

但这份工作的工资并不高。

I needed some money for college, so I got a job working in retail.

我需要一些钱来付上大学的学费，所以我在零售业找到了一份活儿。

I worked at a place called Dollar Tree.

我在一家一美元店工作。

Unlike the scam artists over at the 99-cent store, everything at Dollar tree was in fact a dollar.

与99美分店里的商业骗局不同，一美元店里的所有东西真的都是一美元。

There was Claudia, she was a sweetie. Monica, she was chill.

这位是克劳迪娅，她是个甜妹。这位是莫妮卡，她是个酷酷的女孩。

The Spawn of Satan Helen, she threatened to bash my head into the wall.

这位是撒旦的后代，因为她曾威胁要把我的头按到墙上。

And Mark, the General Manager.

还有马克，店里的总经理。

This one time, he made fun of how I owned a watch to check the time and not a phone. I was poor.

有一次，他笑我老是用手表看时间，不去给自己买部手机，我那时真的很穷。

My job at Dollar Tree was simple enough. I was a cashier.

我在美元店的工作很简单，我就是个收银员。

And when I had no one in line I would clean up the front of the store.

当没有人排队付钱的时候，我就会去打扫店铺。

Okay. Yeah, so some work stories.

好吧。是啊，所以来讲一些我工作时遇到的故事。

I was working the night shift when this lady comes up two minutes before we have to close. I let her in. Reluctantly.

一次上夜班的时候，这位女士在关门前两分钟走了进来，我让她进的，虽然很不情愿。

She walks in the store and kind of just stumbles around talking to herself.

她走进商店，走路有点跌跌撞撞，一直在自言自语。

I just wanted to go home at that point. Hurry up, lady.

那时我只想回家。快点，女士。

She barely makes it over to the counter and grab some random candy out of the bins.

她没有走到柜台前，而是随便选了一些糖果。

Okay, your total is $3.

好的，一共是3美元。

Hey you know, you've got some pretty eyes.

嘿，你知道吗，你有一双漂亮的眼睛。

Oh, uh, really? Thanks.

哦，呃，真的吗？谢谢。

Ooh, and that body. You've got something going on there.

哦，你的身体。真是让人着迷。

Uh, thanks?

呃，谢谢？

So, where are you going after this, beautiful?

所以，你待会儿要去哪里，美人儿？

Uuh... I'll take it from here.

呃……我来接手吧。

I've never been hit on by a girl before much less a 60-year-old drunk one?

我从来没有被女孩勾搭过，更不用说一个已经60岁醉醺醺的女孩了。

So I was pretty confused. Speaking of old people... Old people.

所以我很困惑。说到老人……老人啊。

Old people would come in and ask for Senior discounts? It's a dollar.

老人有时会走进店铺问有没有老年人优惠，这可是美元店诶。

One of the worst jobs you had to do when working at Dollar Tree was filling up balloons.

在美元店工作时，你不得不做的最糟糕的工作之一就是给气球加满气。

The Dollar Tree was always understaffed.

美元店总是人手不足。

So while the manager was usually unboxing merchandise, it would just be me up at the front alone.

因此，当经理在拆箱时，就只有我一个人在店里看着。

Blowing up balloons took quite awhile.

吹气球要花很长时间。

And if there were many people in line, you would have a potential mess on your hands.

如果恰好有很多人在排队，你可能会手头一团乱麻。

This one time, I had a full line of people I was checking out.

有一次，排队结账的人排得满满的。

This guy comes up out of nowhere, not even in line, and says: Yeah, I'm gonna need 50 balloons.

这家伙不知从哪里冒出来，甚至没有排队，他说：你好，我需要50个气球。

Right now. I have to leave for a party in five minutes.

现在就要。五分钟后我得去参加一个聚会。

I'm sorry, what?

抱歉，你说什么？

Hey, I don't have all day.

嘿，我可没有一整天的时间陪你耗。

There's nowhere I could get it done in five minutes!

我不可能在五分钟内完成这件事！

Do you not see the HUGE line I'm in right now?!

你没看到现在排着的长队吗？！

Is what I would have said instead, I just stood there, like a spaz.

我想这么说来着，但是我只是站在那里，像个傻瓜一样。

Luckily, I had a nice manager on staff that day that took over balloon duty.

幸运的是，那天，一位很好的经理接替了我的气球任务。

Another thing about balloons was that, we were always out of the smiley face balloon.

关于气球，还有一点，我们总是缺少笑脸气球。

Everyone always asked for it since it was an option.

因为只要有这个选择，大家都想要笑脸的。

But for three months, we didn't have the shipment.

但这三个月来，我们没有收到备货。

I was slowly going insane each time someone asked for, Balloon 3-45.

每次有人问我，有没有3排45号气球的时候，我都会发疯。

I was a pretty good cashier if I do say so myself.

如果要我自己评价的话，我觉得我是一个相当不错的收银员。

You come to my line with fifty something normal items, and I would just go...

顾客拿着50件商品来找我，我也能算得清清楚楚……

Done! Here's your change. Boom.

好了！这是找您的零钱。搞定。

Then, there were THOSE people.

然后，这些人就来了。

They would come up to the line with 50 wineglasses.

他们会拿着50个酒杯来排队。

Why was it always wineglasses?

为什么总是买酒杯呢？

They would usually show up when the line was completely empty.

他们不会在没人的时候出现。

And once they arrived everyone in the store, it's like they were on some kind of Magnetic pole.

一旦他们到达商店，就像是被什么吸引了一样。

Oh, she is checking out, I better check out with her!

哦，她要结账了，我最好和她一起结账！

And usually, the people in line would then complain that they had to wait.

通常，排队的人会抱怨等在他们后面的时间。

It's like dude, where were, where were you when the line was empty?

就像，大哥，没人排队的时候你怎么不来？

I would have to stand there, take 20 minutes wrapping all these wineglasses in a bunch of newspaper. UGHH.

我不得不站在那里，花20分钟把所有这些酒杯用一堆报纸包好。啊哈。

Sometimes people would come back to the store with open boxes of food and complain that they didn't like it, so they wanted a refund.

有时，人们会带着打开的食物盒回到商店，抱怨食物不合他们胃口，要求退款。

It's a DOLLAR.

就一美元啊哥！

I would see some of the same customers come in from time to time.

我会时不时地看到一些这样的客户进来。

Such as this one homeless guy to buy t-shirts.

比如这个无家可归的人来买T恤。

And a few old ladies that always bought greeting cards.

还有几个老妇人总是会来买贺卡。

This one time I ran out of ones, fives, and tens in my register.

有一次，我用光了收银机里的一元、五元和十元。

Because it was a very busy day.

因为这一天非常忙碌。

So I had to give 12 dollars in change to a customer in quarters, and nickels, and dimes.

所以我不得不把12美元的零钱分成25美分、5美分和10美分分给一位顾客。

I didn't want to call Helen.

我不想给海伦打电话。

If someone called up Dollar Tree to ask if there was a specific item, I would usually tell them no.

如果有人给店里打电话，询问是否有特定的商品，我通常会告诉他们没有。

Either because I was busy with a line or I was too lazy to check.

要么是因为我在忙着结账，要么是因为我太懒了，不想去查看。

Like people, there's a website. Check it yourself. I don't have time.

因为，有个网站可以去看啊！你自己去查吧，我没时间。

Okay, so one more story.

好了，再来讲一个故事。

A lady came in on a slow day and put like 200 items on the counter.

在生意清淡的某天，一位女士走了进来，在柜台上放了大约200件东西。

As usual, people started stacking up behind her and started to get impatient.

像往常一样，站在她身后的人们开始不耐烦了。

Okay, your total is $220.15. Cash or credit?

好的，一共是220.15美元。现金还是信用卡？

Credit, please?

信用卡。

I tried ringing up her card but, it says the card is denied.

我试着刷她的卡，但是没刷成功。

Try this one.

试试这个吧。

I had to try like five different cards before she said, oh, oh yeah.

我试了五张不同的卡片，然后她说，哦，这样吗。

Uh, you know what, just stay right there.

呃，等一下，等我一会儿。

I'm gonna transfer some money into my account. I'll be back in five minutes.

我要在我的账户上转一些钱，五分钟后回来。

She ran out of the store. And I thought: Well, okay? I guess I'll wait, then?

她跑出了商店。我想：好吧，这也行？我想我是不是应该等着？

We put all the stuff She wanted to buy back in a cart. But she never came back.

我们把她想买的所有东西都放在一辆手推车里，但她再也没有回来。