我们很多人会自然而然地担忧：别人眼里的自己是怎样的？我们在大家眼里是好还是坏？万一别人指责我们怎么办？万一别人排斥和嘲笑我们怎么办？万一我们在别人眼里很贱怎么办？斯多葛思想家提醒，我们不可能控制不确定的世界。总会有恶毒之人、刻薄之人、甚至神经病，对我们评头论足，说三道四，甚至试图伤害我们。我们需要做的是，自己心里要有一杆秤，清楚自己是怎样的人。Stop Worrying About Your ReputationIt is natural for most of us to spend time worrying about our reputation: what others think of us, whether we are deemed good or bad by the community…我们很多人会自然而然地浪费时间，去担忧自己在外面的名声：别人眼里的自己是怎样的？我们在公众眼里是好还是坏？This can quickly become a painful topic, and our thoughts can descend into bonfires of worry. What if we are accused of something? What if we are ostracised and mocked? What if we become a pariah?这种担忧很快就会演变成痛苦，萦绕在脑海，然后变成忧虑之火，逐渐燎原。万一别人指责我们怎么办？万一别人排斥和嘲笑我们怎么办？万一我们在别人眼里很贱怎么办？A useful way out of the panic was suggested many centuries ago by the Stoic thinkers of Ancient Greece and Rome. They suggested that we divide the topic of reputation into two parts. 早在十几个世纪前，古希腊及古罗马时期的斯多葛学派思想家们，就提出了治疗这种恐惧的有效方案。他们建议将名声划分为两类。On the one hand, who we are and what we think of ourselves. 一类是，我们是谁以及我们如何看自己。And on the other: what other people may decide to declare or say about us.另一类是，别人决定要如何评判我们或怎么说我们。Now, the Stoics reminded us of an important detail. We can never be certain of the second part of the equation; we cannot control the world beyond a certain point. There is always the possibility that someone vengeful, mean or disturbed is going to say something about us and try to damage us. We can never be completely assured that they won’t.这样一来，斯多葛思想家重点提醒我们的细节在于，我们永远无法确定第二类，我们不可能控制不确定的世界。总会有报复心重的人、刻薄的人、或者神经病，对我们评头论足，说三道四，甚至试图伤害我们。我们永远不可能完全确保别人不会恶意对我们。This could sound like alarming news, but the Stoics wished us to take it on board with courage and then gain strength from focusing on the first part of the equation: what we think of ourselves.听起来让人深感不安，但斯多葛学派希望我们，勇敢接受这样的现实，然后将注意力转移到第一种定义，并从中获取能量：我们如何看自己。And here, things are far, far brighter, because we are far more in control. We can calmly evaluate what we’ve done, what our hearts are like – and we can then come to a view of what sort of people we are, which can provide us with a vital bulwark against the possible vagaries and tempests of public opinion. We have a solid anchor. We can know who we are.说到这里，我们豁然开朗，原来我们更容易控制的是自己。我们能够冷静评判自己的所作所为，所思所想。然后逐渐看清自己是什么样的人，这让我们修筑了一座保护自我的重要堡垒，以抵御外部世界的反复无常与舆论风暴。我们心中都有一杆秤，清楚自己是怎样的人。Modern psychotherapy would add an important detail to this analysis. Our sense of who we feel we are is often highly distorted in a negative direction by our past – which can make us far more jittery about public opinion than is sound. Our sense of self is the result of how other people viewed us in childhood, especially our parents or caregivers. Some of us wander the world with an acute sense of shame and self-distrust that we absolutely don’t deserve, and we project a lot of paranoia and fear onto other people – primarily because we’ve been treated with disdain in our early years. 现代心理学为这一分析增添了关键的细节。我们对自己是谁的感觉，经常会被我们的过去严重扭曲，并朝消极方向发展，使我们对大众如何看自己感到更加惶恐不安。我们的自我意识，是童年时期别人如何对待我们导致的，特别是我们的父母或看护人。我们中的一些人，带着强烈的羞耻感与不自信，在这个世上闯荡，我们绝对不该如此，我们将很多偏执与恐惧投射在别人身上，主要是因为，童年时期遭受到了轻蔑的对待。We are going to start to feel a lot more solid and immune from the ups and downs of gossip once we become conscious of how negatively biased we’ve been and settle in our minds what we think we are worth – irrespective of either what figures from our past said or what someone around us now might suddenly decide.一旦我们意识到，我们是多么消极，多么偏执，并在内心明确自己的价值，无论我们拥有怎样的过去，无论周围的人如何风言风语，我们的内心将更加坚定，对满世界的流言蜚语也更加免疫。The path to immunity from worry about reputation is going to lie in a far more secure and just handle on our own value.不再担忧自己在外面的名声的解决途径是，更稳妥、更恰当地理解自己的价值。