There’s a widely-held belief that self-discipline means being able to do something when you don’t actually want to do it. People who believe this think that self-discipline means going to the gym, reading books, or eating chicken and broccoli when you don’t actually want to. For them, self-discipline means ignoring your authentic self in favour of your ideal self.人们普遍认为，自律就是去做你不愿意做的事。在他们眼中，当你不愿意却又去了健身房、读了书、吃了低脂鸡肉和西蓝花，便体现出自律。自律就是忽视真实自我的感受、满足理想自我的期待。But this view of self-discipline is completely deluded. Imagine that you’ve been taken prisoner by a criminal, and the criminal starts making demands of you. He says, “Cook me dinner. Now clean my house. Now go sleep in that corner.” If you do these things even though you don’t want to, if you suppress your authenticity in favour of his ideal, does that make you disciplined? Or does it just make you a really good slave? An obedient prisoner? And what do you think will happen to you as you live more and more like a prisoner, continuing to do things that you don’t want to do, suppressing your authenticity in favour of his ideal? Will you love your master and be happy? Or will you become resentful, angry, and full of sadness, regretting the life you never got to live? Obviously, the answer is the latter. 但是，这种观点完全是蒙蔽人心的。想象一下你遭到了罪犯囚禁，他开始给你下命令。他说：“给我做顿饭。马上给我去打扫房间。给我滚去角落睡觉。”如果你做这些不愿意做的事，抑制真实自我的感受去迎合他的要求，这会让你感到自律吗？还是说让你沦为了听话的奴隶？被剥夺了自由却仍顺服于他？若活得越来越像个囚犯，继续做不乐意的事情，抑制真实感受去迎合他的要求，长此以往，会发生什么？你会衷心拥护主人、生活幸福，还是会憎恶愤怒，悲愤不已，悔不当初？很显然，答案是后者。Suppressing your authenticity comes at a cost. I know this from first-hand experience. There was a time in my life when I lived very inauthentically. Instead of following my sincere desire to become a psychologist and philosopher, I studied engineering. I neglected my authentic self and followed the ideals of society. I thought I was doing what I should do in order to succeed and be respected by society. And in order to follow society’s ideals, I had to repress my authentic self. I told myself that psychology and philosophy were a waste of time, even though I felt called to study them. I told myself a life full of money was more important than a life full of purpose. And I told myself that society, and the people around me, knew what I should want out of life better than I do.抑制真实感受要付出代价。我便是个活生生的例子。过去，我活得十分不真实。我曾真挚地希望成为一名心理学家或哲学家，但是我却学了工程，未能如愿。我忽视了真实自我，对社会标准趋之若鹜。在我看来，为了成功、得到社会敬仰，当时我理应那么做。而为了追随社会标准，我不得不克制真实自我。即使发自内心想学心理学和哲学，我也告诉自己这就是在浪费时间，人生在世，荣华富贵要比壮志满怀更为重要，而且人生该期待什么，我想社会和周围人比我清楚得多。And by repressing my authentic self, I became out of touch with my own true feelings, desires, and instincts. And this loss of connection took a very real toll on my health, causing me to develop lots of GI issues. For a deeper look at the science behind the connection between authenticity and health, I recommend reading Dr. Gabor Mate’s new book, “The Myth of Normal”. Suppressing your authenticity will always take a real cost on your health. Forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to do is not self-discipline. It’s slavery, and every slave eventually becomes resentful, revengeful, and regretful. Sacrificing your authenticity for society’s ideal will make you miserable, not happy. And no matter how long you force it, you will always eventually fail in the long run. And that’s a good thing too, because who wants to live their whole life as a slave?克制真实自我后，我变得不了解自己的真实感受、愿望和直觉了。这种失焦断联极大损害了我的健康，导致血糖出现问题。关于真实自我与健康为何有关联，若想近一步了解，我推荐大家阅读伽柏·梅特医生的新书《正常之谜》。抑制自己的真实感受总会让身体健康付出代价。强迫自己做不愿意做的事并不是自律的表现。这是奴性，而且每个奴隶最终都会迸发憎恶悔恨之感，有了复仇的念头。牺牲真实感受去追随社会标准会让你愁眉苦脸，并不快乐。而且无论强迫自己这样做多久，最终都会以失败告终。但这也是件好事，毕竟没有人愿意终身为奴吧？So what does it really mean to be self-disciplined?所以，究竟什么才是真正的自律？A truly self-disciplined person is a disciple of themselves. They’re an eternal student. Rather than trying to suppress, repress, control, or force their genuine feelings in a specific direction, they try to understand them. And through understanding, they learn how to allow their authentic self to flourish. And by allowing their authentic-self to flourish, they live lives of wholeness and happiness – not resentment and regret. 真正自律的人追随自己，做自己的追随者。这样的人一生都处于学习之中。他们不会试图抑制、克制、控制或强迫自己要怎么想，而是试着了解自己的真实感受，从而学会如何让真实自我如繁花般绽放，继而收获完整充实、幸福美满的人生，无怨无悔。But how does someone become a disciple of themselves in the first place?但是如何在一开始就追随自己呢？By discovering their own ideals, not society’s. They follow their own interests and confront the challenges that they personally feel called to confront. They walk a path that is their own, not the path society has laid out for them. They pursue what they genuinely want, not what society tells them to pursue. For the person who becomes a disciple of themselves, self-control is never an issue. There are no issues of control, because there is nothing to control. They move as one harmonious unit.要探索自己的理想，而非社会的标准。追随自己的人会遵循自身兴趣，迎接注定的挑战。他们走自己的路，而非任社会安排。他们追求实际所想，而非任社会摆布。追随自己的人，从不顾虑自控力。究其原因，是因为无需控制任何事物，他们做到了理想与现实的知行合一。If you force yourself to do things you don’t want to do, if you follow society’s ideal, your ideal self will repress your authentic self. You will become a slave in your own body, and your body will take its revenge. But if you become a disciple of yourself, if you understand your own genuine feelings, desires, and nature, if you discover your own ideal, your ideal self will work harmoniously with your authentic self to promote growth.如果你强迫自己做不愿意做的事，对社会标准趋之若鹜，那么理想自我便会抑制真实自我。你的身体里会住着一个奴隶，伺机对你进行报复。但若你追随自己，了解自己的真实感受、愿望和本性，探索自己的理想，那么理想自我和真实自我便会和谐共处、带来提升。So here’s the secret to self-discipline. Self-discipline is not about forcing yourself to meet society’s ideal, but rather becoming a student of yourself. It’s about discovering your own ideal and allowing your authentic self to flourish.所以，自律有一条秘诀。要想自律，就不要强迫自己满足社会标准，而是要学着了解自己，探索自己的理想，让真实自我如繁花般绽放。
Why You Keep Failing at Self-DisciplineThere’s a widely-held belief that self-discipline means being able to do something when you don’t actually want to do i